Oops!… I Did It Again

Who doesn’t love Britney? I thought this was appropriate since the song started going around my head as soon as I realized I had accidentally left it months since my last blog post.

Well, well, well. I’m officially a complete idiot. Once again, I have allowed my duty as the Token Trans Guy to slide into the back of my mind, because life just had to pile on the rest of it’s bullshit all at the same time, didn’t it? So let’s recap what’s happened since October, shall we?

October 2021:

• I quit my job at Taco Bell, because the combination of long shifts, lots of uni work and therefore barely having time to eat and sleep never mind anything else sent me into a reeeaaally bad mental health spiral (not that I really let anyone know about that)
• I submitted my research proposal for my dissertation and got decent marks on it, so I’m happy with that
• Samhain was a bit of a flop if I’m honest, but hopefully this year will be better (I’m a terrible Pagan, I already knew this)

November 2021:

• I mourned the lack of reading week for Psych students, meaning that I didn’t have a week off unlike pretty much every other course
• I got the train up to visit my family in Cumbria on my own for the first time, had a really nice day there to see my cousins for their birthday.
• The long mental health journey I’ve had over the past four-six months started to really get underway (I will come back to that later/in another post)
• There was a terrorist attack down the road on Remembrance Sunday. That was… mildly terrifying to say the least.
• I began complaining about how close to Christmas it was and that everything was fucking freezing.

December 2021:

• I got ethical approval for my dissertation (yay!) so could actually start work on it
• Me and some friends went to the Manchester Christmas Markets (way better than the Liverpool ones, it’s the only thing I — a very proud Scouser — will admit is better in Manchester). It lashed down and was blowing a right hoolie, but it was a great day out nontheless.
• Christmas party for my youth group was awesome, despite me being a socially awkward little shit who doesn’t know how to interact with people without one of his emotional support humans being around. Uno was played. Friendships (somehow) survived XD
• I made non-alcoholic mulled wine for my family for Christmas, and a bottle of alcoholic mulled wine for myself.
• I finally went to my GP and asked to be referred for a full mental health assessment and therapy. Also got my bloods forms sorted out while I was there.

Then Christmas and New Year were a thing. I got some very awesome presents, so thank you to my wonderful family and friends for those.

Then there was January. Oh boy.

January 2022:

• I made about twelve New Years Resolutions (most of which I have miraculously stuck to thus far, with some reasonable exceptions)
• I had my bloods done. That I was meant to get done last May. Oops.
• I made an appointment with my endocrinologist (that’s in March so we’ll see how that goes)
• I had my mental health assessment and basically got told “you need therapy” by a clinical psychologist. Ain’t that a kick up the arse?
• I got my bloods done and didn’t pass out (yay!)
• I got my third Covid vaccine and didn’t pass out (double yay!)
• I stayed awake for forty hours doing a uni assignment because I’m an idiot. Got a first on it though, so in my opinion — totally worth it.
• Back to uni after the Christmas ‘break’, got engrossed in my new modules because they are both AWESOME
• Got slightly pestered by my tutor to actually communicate with him about my dissertation stuff and how I was getting on, which reminded me that communication is a thing and I’ve been keeping on top of that since
• Started work on my dissertation survey, which is now nearly complete. (Qualtrics, I hate you)

February 2022:

• Hilariously, I’ve reapplied for my job at Taco Bell, because I am broke af and I actually kind of enjoyed working there. My manager has already accepted my application, and all I need to do now is upload the relevent documents etc.
• I’m filling out the referral form for therapy at YPAS (the charity that runs my youth group), so hopefully that will get under way soon.
• I have a meeting with my tutor next week to finish off my survey and sort out an Independent Student Learning Plan for me to have leeway on assignments and in exams (his insistence, personally I think I’m doing fine without one… *proceeds to rock back and forth in the corner pulling their hair out*)
• I have also started a campaign within uni to get our exams in the summer to be online, rather than in person, since my cohort and the two cohorts after us have never done an in person exam for uni, and it would be unfair to change that for our last ones.
• And lastly I’ve applied to work with and I’m seriously considering paying out for a personal trainer. I’ve looked into his services and looked at what I need to do to get myself in the physical shape I want to be, and I think that (once I start work again and get paid) if I can afford it, it’s what’s best for me in particular to get the support and encouragement I need to sort myself out.

So that’s the past four months or so for me. In amongst all this, I’ve had a sexuality crisis (settled on ‘queer’ and that’s the end of it), a quarter-life crisis about what I want to do with my future (separate post incoming for that) and had a serious battle with figuring out my mental health (another post incoming for that). Hopefully my next update won’t be months away (actually it won’t, since I’m going to do them right now) and I can get back to actually posting about trans stuff again.

Nice to have you here, if you’re still following.